this weekend

this weekend i...

...took christmas pictures with the girls.

...wore a really sweet blazer. haha.

...went to temple square.

...helped make pot stickers.

...celebrated my dad's birthday.

...spent some quality bonding time with my nephew.

overall i would say it was a pretty successful weekend.

-k

disappointed

goals.

we set them.

we work hard to attain them.

and we achieve them.

that's how it is supposed to work right?

not for me.

not today.

i set my goal.

i worked hard.

but i have i have fallen short.

once again.

i'm not only frustrated with the circumstances.

i'm disappointed in myself.

i could have done better.

focused more.

been more proactive.

taken initiative.

why is it that as of late i have been falling short?

what important information or key step am i missing out on?

-k

change

i have been home from china for four and a half months.

that is the approximately the same amount of time i spent in mainland.

the time has just flown right by.

upon arriving home, i had a set plan of what i was going to do with my life.

has it happened? no.

will it happen? maybe.

i have learned and continue to learn each day that we cannot predict our future.

our minds change.

people change.

and life has many unexpected twists and turns.

change is inevitable. it is something that you can expect...no matter what.

but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

in fact, in most cases, change forces us to become better and stronger.

if you asked me four and a half months ago if i thought my life would be how it is right now, i would have said "no".

but am i happy? yes. very much so.

-k

this weekend i got together with kendra, talesha, and sara. we reminisced about china, filled each other in on what is happening in our lives (the focus always seems to be on boys...haha), laughed, and just had a great time. i love these girls way too much.

25 things i am thankful for.

1. my parents. i love them so much. they are two constants in my life that i can always depend on.

2. my brothers. i have been blessed with two amazing brothers--christopher and jj. i couldn't be a luckier sister. these boys are kind, funny, loving people. such quality boys.

3. the gospel. it brings me a sense of peace to know why i am here and where i am going. it gives me strength to keep pushing towards my goals because i know i have someone helping me reach my potential.

4. my friends. they are always there when i need them. they are looking out for me and always have my back.

5. music. music has a soft spot in my heart. it touches me in a way that nothing else does.

6. america. we are so blessed to live in this country and to have the freedoms we do.

7. my education. even though sometimes it is stressor, overall i love school.

8. service. i have never been happier than when i forget about myself and do something for another.

9. utah. it is pretty much perfect. my favorite part...the 4 seasons--the hot summer days, the colorful leaves, the snowcapped mountains, and the gorgeous spring flowers.

10. the ability to see. i am blessed to have vision so i can take everything in.

11. the sun, moon, and stars. there is something to be said about the universe...it is amazing!

12. my health. i have been blessed with a full functioning body that allows me to do everything i want.

13. love. love is one of the best feelings both to give and receive.

14. choices. i am thankful that i have to ability to choose what i want and not be forced into anything.

15. trials. i know this may sound weird, but the obstacles i have overcome have shaped me into the person i am today.

16. individuality. how bland would the word be if we were all the same? i am thankful that we can be different.

17. skiing. one of the best feelings in the world is speeding down the slope without a care in the world.

18. the piano. i may not be very good, but i enjoy playing. it is such a nice release.

19. my job. i have been blessed with not one, but two great jobs. the people with i associate have blessed my life and taught me many things.

20. the temple. there is no better place to find a sense of peace and belonging.

21. china. china helped me see what was important and where i wanted to go in life.

22. good examples. i have many people in my life that i admire and look up to. i am thankful that i can be surround by such amazing people.

23. encouragement. sometimes i feel like i am inadequate and just want to give up, but it is encouragement that keeps me going.

24. the priesthood. it has a very special place in my heart because i have seen miracles happen by means of the priesthood.

25. my bed. there is nothing better after a long, hard day than laying down on a comfortable bed.

-k

fall

reasons i love the fall:

1. the crisp, cool air is so refreshing

2. the colorful leaves provide a change in scenery

3. the smells

4. the rain and snow

5. the temperatures drop meaning we get to bundle up and get cozy

6. hot chocolate becomes a necessity

7. it means the holidays are near

-k

...

-k

6 months

this morning i woke up to an e-mail from my favorite person ever...my brother. just listen to this:

"Well I just sat down with President Chan...had a good talk. We picked the date that I will return home. So it's official and in the book that my mission will end on April 6, 2012."

i get to see j in 6 MONTHS from today!

wow.

-k

fall

i love fall. it is my favorite season of the year! the other day i decided to take a nice hike and check out the fall colors. best idea ever.

-k

reality check

pretty much everyone falls into a habit of dwelling on the bad things that go on in our lives.

i feel like the bad events, rude comments, and unlucky circumstances have a bigger impact on our minds than the positive things do.

i wish that weren't the case.

you can try to be optimistic, but sometimes you can't help but feel like your life is rough.

and mind you, life can get hard at certain points in our life.

today while i was at work i had a reality check.

i was busy paying bills and sending statements when the phone rang.

my coworker answered the phone and spent the next 5 minutes trying to explain to the person on the other end of the line where our office was located.

she kept saying, "building b suite 259".

the man finally told her that he could not read or write and she couldn't think of anything else to do but go down and find him in the parking lot.

once he arrived in our office, it was then my turn to help him.

new patients have to fill out a few forms before they can be seen, but he couldn't do it alone.

i sat down with this man and asked all the necessary questions to complete the forms.

turns out that he has epilepsy and that is one of the main reasons he can't read or write.

he also has an early case of parkinson's disease so he shakes very badly.

watching him try to get his driver's license and insurance card out of his wallet was almost painful to watch.

but do you know what? this man was probably the nicest guy alive and better yet, he was genuinely happy.

it made me realize no matter how bad we think we have it...someone else always has it harder.

i am so blessed in my life.

i can read, i can write, i have 4 functioning limbs, i have a job, i have a car, i have food to eat, i have a house to live in, i have friends that care for me, i have a family that loves me, etc.

i realized i take my blessings for granted. i tend to overlook them and forget about how lucky i am. today's experience made me so grateful for my life and for everything that it encompasses.

i think we would all be wise to step back for a second and think about how truly fortunate we are.

-k

late night thought

sometimes it would be nice to fall asleep and better yet, stay asleep.

-k

life lessons

the only person that can truly make you happy is yourself. you can't live your life depending on other people to do it for you.

things happen that we can't change...don't take it personally and don't dwell on it, just move on.

smiling is the one thing that makes everyone happier, it's contagious. we should all smile and laugh more often.

believe in yourself.

there is always more than one right answer. try to see things from different perspectives.

it's okay to let your emotions out every once in awhile--that's called being human.

"gossip, problems of the past, events you cannot control, negative thoughts, and negative people; time spent on these is time poorly wasted."

buying the coolest new thing may temporarily bring you joy, but it won't last. set your priorities straight.

don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and try new things. you may find something you love.

be happy for the things you have.

never be scared to be yourself because the people that really matter won't care.

love everyone.

-k

day 30

day 30- a picture of you last year and this year and how you have changed

summer 2010

fall 2011

i feel like i have changed so much mentally, spiritually, and physically in the past year. it has definitely been one of the times in my life where i can sense a noticeable difference. so much has happened and i have learned and grown so much.

-i think the most noticeable difference is i cut SEVEN inches of hair off. my hair is the shortest it has been in almost 6 years.

-i have changed my major. it is no longer going to be sports and exercise science. i am thinking of doing an anthropology major with an emphasis in health and a minor in health education or nutrition.

-i have lived in china for 5 months and gained so much from that.

-i have been without my twin, but have created a stronger relationship with him through e-mails and letters.

-i have put more focus on school, work and the gospel rather than just focusing on my social life.

-i am now a medical assistant at a dermatology office.

-i have developed such a love for the gospel of jesus christ and seen how it affects my life for the better.

-i have done a lot of growing up.

-i have figured out what is important to me and which direction i want my life to go.

there are so many other changes that have taken place that i can't explain. i am thankful for this year and for changes that have come with it. i am at such a great place in my life and i am so happy.

-k

day 29

29- a list of your favorite songs

i have too many favorite songs so this list hardly does it any justice...

jesus christ by brand new

chasing cars by snow patrol

in the middle by mat kearney

colly string by manchester orchestra

huddle formation by the go! team

sweet disposition by temper trap

lessons learned by mat and kim

sleeping sickness by city and colour

help i'm alive by metric

paperweight by joshua radin

time to pretend by mgmt

bruised by jack's mannequin

ships in the night by mat kearney

let the drummer kick by citizen cope

the girl by city and colour

three little birds by bob marley

white blank page by mumford and sons

set the fire to the third bar by snow patrol

be ok by ingrid michaelson

i miss you by blink 182

let go by frou frou

two points for honesty by guster

snow (hey oh) by red hot chili peppers

the quiet things that no one ever knows by brand new

-k

day 28

day 28- your favorite tv show

i really don't watch tv that much. but when i do, i watch grey's anatomy. it's full of drama and medicine. i'm a fan. haha.

-k

day 27

day 27- your bad habits

i sometimes lose sight of what is important

i stay up too late most nights

i struggle at keeping my room really clean for extended periods of time

i procrastinate when it comes to homework

i can be a bit of a control freak in certain cases

i get stressed when i feel like i have too much to accomplish

-k

day 26

day 26- some of you nicknames

kay-way

k dubbs

kates

queen darlene (that's what my dad calls me)

k

special k

wardo

lil ward

-k

day 25

day 25- a picture of something important to you

my parents.

they have raised me to be everything i am today. they have taught me lots. they have pushed me to try harder. they have been there for me in every circumstance. they have brought me up in the gospel. they have been key examples. they have loved me unconditionally.

i am so fortunate to have two of the most amazing people in the world as my parents. they truly are the greatest people i know. i am so thankful for all the many things they have taught me in my life and for the things they continue to teach me each day.

love you mom and dad.

-k

p.s.- today i got to spend over and hour playing with human hearts. so fun.

p.p.s.- hahaha to make today even cooler...i got stung by a bee! OUCH.

day 24

day 24- a picture of your favorite pastime

i love to drive.

when i am bored or need time to think, i hop in my car and go.

i don't usually have a particular place in mind, i just drive.

and 9 times out of 10 i will take my camera with me.

that way i can spend some time outside enjoying nature and taking pictures.

-k

day 23

day 23- a list of qualities you want in your spouse

one who has a deep love and commitment to his family.

one who loves the gospel and is striving to live it.

one who is determined to succeed in life.

one who has respect for others.

one who is honest, even when it is hard.

one who never settles for mediocre, but tries to be the best he can be.

one who is generous and kind.

one who is an avid listener, but can also talk.

one who brings out the best in others.

one who makes me laugh.

one who has a sense of adventure.

one who works hard to obtain what he wants.

one who is spontaneous and eager to try new things.

one who loves me for who i am, faults and all.

-k

today...

today is one of those days. it hasn't been bad, but it hasn't necessarily been great either. and for some reason i can't stop thinking about china...i have been reminded of it numerous times throughout the day.

first i saw a group of asian's outside my anatomy class who were speaking chinese. i eagerly tried to listen to their conversation and pick out what they were saying. next lindsay reminded me of some videos we recorded while we were there. naturally i had to go home and watch them when i got off work. which then led me to look through some other videos and pictures that were taken while i was in china. then my dad came home and asked me to show him some of my favorite pictures from my time there. lastly, while i was walking to library from my trigonometry class i saw a boy wearing a shirt that had a chinese logo on it. everything today has been a reminder of china.

it has been one of those days where i just want to go back. i miss the simplicity of life while i was there. i miss the people we met and the kids we were able to teach. i miss the teachers i was able to spend 5 months with, i especially miss my roommates. i miss the environment. i miss the down time we had so i could just think about life. i basically just miss everything.

i want to go back to china today.

-k

day 22

day 22- a picture of someone who has gotten you through the most

-k

day 21

day 21- your favorite musician/artist/band

seriously this is one of the hardest questions.

i LOVE music.

i listen to and enjoy pretty much anything.

i go through different phases where i can't stop listening to a certain artist but i eventually have to stop because i get sick of them.

however, i don't think i could ever get sick of listening to:

1. mat kearney

2. brand new

3. manchester orchestra

4. city and colour

-k

day 21

day 21- a picture of someone who inspires you

my dad. he is one of those people that is always doing something. when you think he has a full plate and can't possibly do one more thing, he does it. he is dedicated to his family, to the church and to his career. he is loving and kind. he is funny. he is understanding and full of wisdom. he is always eager to learn something new. he is a great listener. he never settles for mediocracy, he strives to be the best he can be. he genuinely cares about other's well being. he always make me laugh. he doesn't easily anger. he is passionate. he is patient. and he never gives up.

my dad is an amazing man. the attributes he possesses are some that i strive to attain every day.

i love you dad.

-k

day 20

day 20- someone who has recently had an impact on you

this past week has been an amazing week, full of amazing people, and amazing conversations. with that said, there have been two conversations that have really struck me.

person #1. this person i could tell anything to and would never have to worry about being judged. we legitimately love each other like sisters. i care for her very much and i can tell she cares a lot about me as well. we are always there for each other no matter what the circumstance.

this week i was able to talk with her and we kind of just explained to each other how lucky we are to have each other in our lives. i still do not think she knows how much she has saved me. but she has really has made an impact on me. she doesn't take anything for granted, she is always so appreciative of everything she has and everything she is given. she has also taught me to appreciate all the small, simple things that most people pass by. she has taught me how to laugh at the things you can't control and to just have fun with life no matter what.

person #2. this person is a newer friend. we have only known each other for a short time. but just the other night we were able to just stand outside and chat about life. we talked about what we wanted out of it, some of our goals, and how important certain things are in our life.

you can tell that he has thought a lot about who he is and who he wants to become. he knows what he wants and he knows what is important.

i admire people that take the time out of their lives to figure out who they are and how they want their life to play out.

this conversation was a good one because it made me think about where i was in life and it reaffirmed what i want and where i want to go.

-k

day 19

day 19- a list of some of your goals/plans/dreams

finish college

become a physical therapist

go backpacking through a foreign land

serve a mission...most likely when i'm married and old

live somewhere outside of utah for a while

learn to play the guitar

become fluent in another language

get married

raise kids

be successful and happy

own a dog

run a half marathon

explore the world

-k

day 18

Day 18-somewhere you want to travel

ireland

greece

thailand

-k

day 17

day 17- your favorite childhood memory

if i had all day i could name of millions of great memories i had as a child. i was lucky enough to be with my best friend (my brother) every day, pretty much all day. and to say we had fun times is an understatement...we were quite the pair. we pretended we were ninja turtles, he let me paint his nails, we rode bikes together, and even cut each other's hair.

one of the funniest experiences i remember has to do with jj.

my cousins and i were playing on the swing set in our back yard on an almost-spring afternoon (it was warming up, but there was snow on the ground). jj was inside his room yelling at us from his opened window. we were yelling back, answering all of his many questions he had.

the problem was he couldn't see us very well because we were almost around the corner so he kept pushing is face harder against the screen in order to try and get a better image of us.

turns out if you put too much force on the screen, it gives. and if someone happens to be relying on the screen as a stabilizer, the person goes with the screen.

one minute jj was in his room talking to us and the next he was lying in the snow on top of the screen. did i mention he was only wearing tighty whities?

i will never forget this little boy in his underwear running barefoot across the snow towards the back door, with a window screen in his hand crying.

such a great moment in life if i do say so myself.

-k

day 16

Day 16- a picture of someone you do the most crazy things with

brittany. maybe it's not that we do "crazy" things, we just do lots of spontaneous things. if we feel like doing something we usually do it. i love that about b. she is always up for and adventure and a good time.

-k

day 15

day 15- a list of the first ten songs that play on your ipod

1. are we there yet- ingrid michaelson

2. i miss you- blink 182

3. send me on my way- rusted root

4. this photograph is proof (i know you know)- taking back sunday

5. lifeline- mat kearney

6. body in a box -city and colour

7. major tom- shiny toy guns

8. hands down- dashboard confessional

9. live it out- metric

10. dirty diana- michael jackson

-k

day 14

day 14- a picture of someone you miss

my twin brother jj, who is currently serving a lds mission in hong kong. i am so proud of what he is doing and all that he is accomplishing. you can see him growing up and maturing each week. jj has been out for 16 months now and only has about 8 left. luckily for me, the time has flown by. if it didn't go by fast i would be dying without him. jj and i are really close and have grown even closer since he left. i am counting down the days until he comes home so i can have my best friend right by my side.

-k

day 13

day 13- a picture of someone you commonly go to for advice

my mom. she always wants what is best for me and is legitimately concerned about my well being. whenever i need honest and blunt advice i go to her. she gives me her opinions and explanations for her reasoning. i think her and i see a lot of things eye-to-eye so it is really easy to ask for her opinion and then understand her advice. she is also there for me any time of the day and under any circumstance. i know that people come and go, but my mom will never leave my side and never stop caring about me.

i love my mom to death and am so thankful for all that she has helped me through and all the advice she has given me--especially as of late.

-k

day 12

day 12- a picture of something you are afraid of and the reason why

i'm honestly not really sure why i am so afraid of heights. but every time i am faced with something that is high up, my stomach drops and my knees become weak and i get way nervous.

-k

day 11

day 11- a picture that can always make you laugh

sitter train in china...hour 20

scooter adventure in overalls

swimming suits over clothes

scared by a bat

-k

day 9

day 9- a list of what is in your purse

-my wallet

-a mat kearney postcard

-2 tubes of lipgloss

-shaka laka lip balm

-lotion

-my library card

-2 pens

-a lighter (don't worry it was for the 4th of july)

-a sucker

-bobby pins

-coins

-k

day 10

day 10- something you hate

a broken heart.

whether it is my own, or someone close to me i love.

having to deal with a broken heart is never fun.

-k

day 8

day 8- a picture of something you love

i love lots of things like my family, my friends, the gospel, food, swimming, music and so many other things.

something i love way too much is traveling. there are so many places in the world that have so much history to go with them. the world has so many different things to offer. it amazes me that you can hop on a plane or drive in a car for as little as an hour and end up in a place that looks completely different from home.

hong kong

st. george

teton national park

beijing

yangshuo

hawaii

fiji

california

lake powell

paris

-k